Gross #16

I went to a party called Tranarchy last night. This is a picture of me motorboating some woman. She looks like she hates it.

Text Message From a Boy Redux: Facebook Message From a Boy

You may know him as the mime that played terrible drums at that Halloween party. If you run into this human, please remember this entry and...just DON'T. He will text you "baby". He will flex at his reflection. He will grow out a bad handlebar mustache and call himself a cowboy. Here is the last exchange between the two of us. My comments are in italics, because sometimes I can't help myself.

Mime (11 de noviembre a las 6:04):
Marriage a from scenes, back that need I'll (backwards this read)

Mime (13 de noviembre a las 6:57):
?

Me (15 de noviembre a las 0:07 ):
hey,
yes i have them. our receiver just broke (i don't know why) (his response to my phone breaking the previous week was "why??" so I had to clarify this) and i'll have to take it apart to get disc 1 out of it. it's stuck in there, of course.

Mime (15 de noviembre a las 23:04):
: reasons I don't loan my things.

Me: ( 15 de noviembre a las 23:3):
you suck

Mime ( 16 de noviembre a las 1:47):

I suck, really? You're seriously one of the most boring girls I've ever met, I never felt like I could say anything meaningful to you in spite of it. Don't talk shit to me, I don't/didn't give a fuck about you or any of your psychoanalysis. You seriously know nothing about me, I'm extremely introverted with everybody. I sure as fuck didn't give you a thing (other than empty sex) and I've given that to a lot of people, and am still, was when I was with you, and will for a good while. Girls are nothing but games. Give me my DVD you borrowed: you can just drop it off any night, to ---- at ---- -----. If we never spoke again I wouldn't give two fucks, ciao.

Me (16 de noviembre a las 2:10):
Empty sex that YOU BEGGED FOR.

Mime (16 de noviembre a las 2:23):
It's a game. Each girl is different, you weren't that intriguing, though. I never begged for anything, and was fucking/am fucking more than five girls (including you). You're not even my type at all: I just got pissed with your cavalier attitude and did or said whatever it took to fuck you again. Playing hard to get was the only thing that interested me, and that wasn't that fruitful considering I'd already fucked you, but I could've went further, it just got old.
Note: I had stopped talking to the kid. He later apologized for...he wasn't quite sure...then he texted me "I'm in love with you" after suggesting we watch Toy Story 3 and have make-up sex.

Me ( 16 de noviembre a las 17:36):
You asked ----- for my number the next day. Then you texted me asking if we could see each other again. I was OK with never seeing or talking to you again.
Ooh gosh, you've really got us women figured out. Doing and saying whatever it takes to get fucked is not sly, it's pathetic.
I don't care who you're fucking now or who you were fucking while we were hooking up. And don't be naive enough to think I wasn't doing the same thing. (I wasn't.)
Playing hard to get always works. If my arrogance gets me laid, then that's awesome.

Mime (16 de noviembre a las 17:40):
That's true, but you don't have much else, perhaps I thought you did at some point.

Mime (16 de noviembre a las 17:41):
I'm sorry, but you have nothing to be arrogant about (except the fact that I'm smarter than you and have a college education), my friends were all asking me why I was even fucking with you. ("friends".)

Me (17 de noviembre a las 21:36):
Is that supposed to hurt my feelings? I don't care what your friends think of me. My roommate and I tried to take the receiver apart and it's impossible to get DVD 1 out. I can leave the others with ----- at my earliest convenience.
Man, you really shouldn't lend your things out.

Me (17 de noviembre a las 21:40):
Also, please do not attempt to come over my house. I will call the cops.

Mime (17 de noviembre a las 21:43):
--------: you're a fucking idiot. (Good one!)

Mime (17 de noviembre a las 21:47):
Give me my DVD back (what the fuck is a receiver) that's a stereo component? Your DVD player? Fucking idiot. Do you understand how fucking stupid you sounded at ------'s? There was no way to keep a straight face.

Me (18 de noviembre a las 0:54):
Attached is a picture of a receiver. I'm blocking you now, I'm sure ----- will let you know when your DVD is at ---- -----.

Gross #15

Earlier, I drank a glass of milk that is three days past its expiration date. It left kind of a gross taste in my mouth and I didn't want to brush my teeth, so I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out where I packed some half-empty pack of gum. I didn't find it, but I found a pack of cherry-flavored soft-chew Rolaids, and I ate one. That taste was way worse than the spoiled milk taste, so I spent another ten minutes looking for the gum again, and then I brushed my teeth.

Gross #14 (2 GROSS 2 FURIOUS)

I went to a party called BathHouse last night. There was a pants-check at the door, and it was basically a ton of gay dudes in their underwear. I don't really remember it. I remember that I was in a shirt and briefs. I know that my phone is broken now. I know that I was still drunk well into the afternoon. The rest I've had to learn from my friend Jeremy. Here's what I know now:

At some point, I was making out with some hot guy with a hairy back who was in his underwear, and his hands were in my underwear. Jeremy and his friend Varuni went and danced, and when they came back, they found me peeing in a corner of the bar. I finished my beer while peeing and threw it against the wall, smashing it. Three bouncers came over, but somehow Jeremy talked them out of kicking me out. Later, Jeremy bumped into a friend of his (a promoter who's pretty connected and helping Jeremy with a project he's working on) and asked if he'd seen me. He said he had, and that he'd (also) had his hands in my pants (underwear), and that they were wet*. I laid down on the sidewalk while Jeremy got his car, and once we got to his place, I puked behind the toilet.

*from sweat!

Gross #13/Awful #2/Dumb #2 (Sexting!)

You know that thing where someone accidentally sends you a text about you that was meant for someone else? I've gotten a few of these- three of them in two weeks one time. One of them was sent from a girl whose house I was at, and it said "He's still here. It's been awful." I've also done it twice. The first time, it was about my sister's birth control. The second time happened last night, with this guy I met one time and have not spoken to at all since, because he's sort of lame and annoying. The worst part is that I was kind of trying not to be a dick, and then I was such a dick!

Matt (11:00 PM): Help.
Me (11:01 PM): Help? What's up?
Matt (11:01 PM): I have this raging erection
Matt (11:01 PM): And it won't go away

Me (11:03 PM): Dude. This is the most pathetic and unappealing way a person has ever tried to hit on me. Hands down.
Matt (11:05 PM): ...I wasn't trying to hit on you. It was a joke.
Me (11:05 PM): Good one.
Matt (11:05 PM): Sorry, I guess I shouldn't went with "hi" or "Sup"
Matt (11:05 PM): *shouldve
Matt (11:07 PM): I wow. I feel stupid now. I just can't win with you, can I?
Me (11:10 PM): Matt. Relax.

Matt (11:12 PM): I was texting you to see if you wanted to grab dinner sometime this week?
Matt (11:12 PM): No stupid pick up lines involved.
Me (11:14 PM): Text me sometime. I'm moving this week, but I might be free.
Matt (11:14 PM): Do you need any help? I have arms. And legs. And a jeep.
Me (11:15 PM): I'm covered, but thanks.
Me (11:28 PM): Just had the following text conversation with a guy I met one time but did not make out with or fuck--
Me (11:29 PM):

Matt (11:00 PM): Help.
Me (11:01 PM): Help? What's up?
Matt (11:01 PM): I have this raging erection
Matt (11:01 PM): And it won't go away

Matt (11:30 PM): ...pretty sure you sent this to the wrong person.
Matt (11:31 PM): Good luck with the move David. Later.
Me (11:32 PM): Jesus. I am so fucking embarrassed. And sorry. Shit. I am really sorry.
Matt (11:34 PM): David. Relax.

Moving (Craigslist is The Worst)

I've been looking for a new place to live. I finally committed to a place where I'll be living with two really cool nerds in a really cool house today, but before that, I put out an ad on craigslist. I got a few insane responses, but I wanted to share the most insane response I got.

Subject: This is a compliment.........you sound interesting!

if you are a girl and

if interested..........go here www.myspace.com/misipitrik but even if you're not into Vikings...come hear me play sometime....you sound like you might like 'jirmenko music(folk-flamenco-Pine Top Perkins-no shit)

Ragnar and I are looking for a roommate, not a renter. We will negotiate, of course. This is the way it's got to be. I play at open mic at Hill's Cafe on S. Congress on Tuesday's after 7:00 pm, and usually at Trophy's on S. Congress after 9:00 pm and now BB Rovers at 7:00 on Sundays............come incognito if you wish, if you are blasted right through the wall say hi and I'll buy you a Guinness....we'll talk(I got scammed when I got here, with me you will know what's going on....totally. Go here: www.myspace.com/misipitrik click 3 times on the Texas DL Pic then go to profile and blog.


One huge studio size room($500.00abp) or one oversized bedroom($400.00abp)Cable hookup, washer, dryer, fridge, gas stove, deck big enough for a blues band, privacy fence with 8 trees inside and 11 around, hanging over/also, living room carpeted with fireplace-rest tile/hardwood, ceiling fans in bedrooms, two large cactus plants growing together in back yard......Ragnar the Terrible(fatboy) can get up to speed(100 lb sweetie), older/like a cabin...... I have a night dayjob......my peers are Kris Kristofferson and Jimmy Buffet......we are all pilots...who pick, who started out to be astronauts....I'm the only one who made it(Graduate/An Officer and a Gentleman School/Star Fleet Academy, also BA Eng Lit, Scholarship athlete, No. one Salesman for Texaco 1971
If you like/understand what you hear and bring something to the table.........say hi, we will shoot the shit.

What I'm looking for is a sense of humor attached to a real live girl..............like: Rita Rudner, Bonanza Jeally Bean, Tina Fey, Judy Meredith(the real Bonanza Jelly Bean..."Heavy Duty Judy" in older blogs..if you can get into the stupid mutherfucker now that it's new and improved...I can't, Margret Mead(but a Cowboy/Pilot/Picker with a coon dawg........maybe. Ragnar and I have been here 10 months looking for just that.................I'm going to make a video soon(music and stand up in the music room). One more thing......I'm cocky, not arrogant, I can back this shit up...quote: Karen Green, two time Grammy winning sax player in 1997.."you are probably the best acoustic guitarist who ever lived who wasn't a musician.......uh, ok

Also bring Poise pads, I'm kinda funny

You......college graduate unless you are a cowgirl with a coondawg, play the blues or can make me laugh Trik 512 *** ****
neighbors: they don't want me to know they are there
Applegate and Jean Dr area

Interaction at a Flea Market.

Today I woke up and decided to go to the Waldo Flea Market to look for VHS tapes. I also wanted a few metal t-shirts. And, alas, I saw one.

Like this but with more gold. There was an older gentleman working the booth, and he took the shirt down and offered to let me try it on. I did, then, when removing the shirt, managed to take off my undershirt and flash the whole flea market, including the man selling me the t-shirt. Embarrassed and half-joking, I said, "Well, now, since you saw those, I think I deserve a discount. A discount for a taste of the goods." He said, "No," in an deadpan. My ego was incredibly bruised, and well, I guess my face fell, because the idiot thought he needed to explain himself. "I mean, they are nice. I mean, if I were 20. If I were 20. They really are nice. A nice set." He continued mumbling about my tits while I shuffled off to the next table to look at some knives.

Me, on the Prowl.

Went to two different grocery stores to scope out guys. Bought half of my groceries at each.

On the phone with a friend two days ago accidentally said, "It's so fun being bad!" 

As if I was my mom and I just had a margarita before 5pm and said, "It's 5pm somewhere! ..."

Also, this is my life:

Don't we look so good together? Isn't my hair so beautiful?

And a lovely million-year-old man and his little Irish wife came into the restaurant where I work today and played checkers for hours together. When I was bringing the check to the table, the man said, "Can I ask you a question? Is it rude for a man to beat his wife in checkers?" I said, "Depends on the wife." She laughed a little, and he reached for her hand across the table. "I don't think she cares. It took 55 years, but she finally stops caring if I win." Then he turns to me. "I hope you have the good fortune to be married for 55 years."

And I burst out laughing so hard that I spilled coffee on myself.

Tuesday. It's super!

I am watching live-streaming Election Day coverage via some weird ABC news Facebook application because I don't have T.V. I am out of cigarettes (and money to buy them with), so I stress-eat: a bowl of pasta with about a cup of cheap generic parmesan cheese and a sprinkling of broccoli, a leftover shortbread confection from my favorite local eatery, a bowl of popcorn, and finally, a bag of red and green dark chocolate M&Ms from Christmas 2009. I have just gotten to the bottom of the bag of M&Ms, and can now see the small spider crawling around in it.

And I still don't know who is going to be the governor of Florida.