Lisa: I'm guessing all you ever post on The Worst are things about your diet and our communication.Me: Hahahaha, also my sex life is REALLY gross.
That said, here are some recent texts from Lisa. Almost all about her vagina.
Lisa: There is something like a tambourine sticking out of my vagina and I think you could help me identify the song it's playing.
Lisa: This song is about my vagina.
Lisa: If I get laid first I'm going to rub my armpit smegma on your cheek. Goddamn, smegma is not in my phone's predictive text.
Lisa: Got a number. Gonna stretch my coozie out soon! :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Me: I can put hot wax on it.
Lisa: I don't trust you with my coozie.
Me: Do you have a penis I can put hot wax on?
Lisa: No, but whatever penis I find is MINE
Lisa: Feels so good. I'm going to finish dehairing my cooz, shower, get ready for work and then come over.
Me: :) :) :) :)
Lisa: Is that a human centipede or are you happy to see me?
Lisa: Como se dice labia?
Me: No idea. Actually, I think you'd just say labios.
Lisa: I don't have hair on my asshole anymore either.
Lisa: My roommate has a filthy hairy back!
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