Gross #11 (Sexual Harassment)

Last night, I went to a bar with some friends. Some of their other friends showed up a bit later; one of them was a girl who's been telling everyone I pooped in her backyard during a party (Gross #9). They sat separately from the rest of us. I got my friend Tad to give me her number. Here are all the text messages (sexts) I sent her between 1:37 and 2:40.

(Just for the record, reading these sober is kind of horrifying. And I can't believe I typed out the lyrics to a Selena song.)

Me (1:37 AM): I (heart) u so much. Love, David

Me (1:38 AM): I think about you all the time. (heart) David
Me (1:38 AM): I want to poop inside you. (heart) David
Me (1:39 AM): Your vagina would look beautiful with poop on it and in it. (heart) David
Me (1:40 AM): When I jerk off to you, your tits are being ripped off by swords made of poop.
Me (1:40 AM): I jerk off to you everyday, poopgirlfriend.
Me (1:40 AM): My butt and your mouth need to go on a date.
Me (1:41 AM): I want to be inside you.... Via poop.

Me (1:41 AM): I want you to burst open from all my poop inside your body.
Me (1:41 AM): Imagine my poop slammin your clit.
Me (1:42 AM): I want you to vomit my poop onto my dick
Me (1:43 AM): I made a likeness o your clit out of poop, then ate it
Me (1:44 AM): Even though you are the worst, your poop makes me reeeeally hard
Me (1:44 AM): I'm coming
Me (1:44 AM): I'm coming
Me (1:45 AM): I'M COOOOOOMMMMMMIIIIIIIING
Me (1:45 AM): UGH
Me (1:45 AM): UGH
Me (1:45 AM): UHHHHHHHHHH
Me (1:45 AM): YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Me (1:45 AM): I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU
Me (1:45 AM): AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH
Me (1:46 AM): I WANNNNNAAAAAA MARRRYYYYYYYYY YYYYOOOOOUUUUUUUUU
Me (1:46 AM): YOUR VACANT, DEAD EYES ARE MY SOOOOUUUULLLL
Me (1:47 AM): YOU YELL LIKE A BITCH LIKE MY SOULMATE
Me (1:48 AM): I neeeeeed to poop-fuck you again soooooooon
Me (1:49 AM): My angel.
Me (1:50 AM): My soulmate
Me (1:51 AM): Yo pussy is so fly
Me (1:51 AM): I love you
Me (1:52 AM): I love you
Me (1:52 AM): I love you

Me (1:52 AM): I love you
Me (1:52 AM): I love you
Me (1:52 AM): I love you
Me (1:52 AM): I love you
Me (1:52 AM): I love you
Me (1:53 AM): I love youI love youI love youI love you
Me (1:54 AM): I raped your dad with my poop and he died from it.
Me (1:56 AM): YOUR DAD WAS MY LOVER I MISS HIS COCK AND ASSHOLE EVERY DAY
Me (1:57 AM): His mouth begged for my poop, beautiful, beautiful
Me (1:58 AM): A haiku: Pooping in his mouth/ he cries with glee, I love him/ with my man's butt hole
Me (1:59 AM): I ove him i love you i love him i love you you're perfect so perfect marry me marry me marry me my daaaaaaarling
Me (2:00 AM): Gonna tear your pussy open with my pooop, consensually

Me (2:00 AM): Gonna love dat clit with my poop
Me (2:02 AM): Run and tell that, poopgirl, pooppooppoopgirl
Me (2:03 AM): I'm obsessed with you
Me (2:03 AM): I NEED TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER
Me (2:04 AM): BE ME LOVER LOVER LOVER
Me (2:05 AM): I WANT YOUR ASSHOLE TO BE FULL OF MY POOP
Me (2:08 AM): Sosexy
Me (2:08 AM): Dying to be fulla my poop
Me (2:09 AM): You're perfect
Me (2:10 AM): You're an angel
Me (2:22 AM): Ya pussy like butta made from gold
Me (2:40 AM): Late at night when all the world is sleepin', I stay up and think of you... And I still can't believe that you came up to me and said I love youi: I love you too. And now I'm dreamin' of you tonight, 'till tomorrow- I'll be holding it tight! And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be... Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me

(Whoops.)